She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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