Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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