The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
