he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
