Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
