Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
well you can't waste a boner
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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