This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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