i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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