So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
