He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
