my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
