he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize