Having a random hookup so left but love u
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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