why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
