ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
