I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
