my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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