Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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