My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize