Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
