WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
