I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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