remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
