I cannot find my penis.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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