My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Congratulations! We have a period
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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