i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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