That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
