HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize