Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
