Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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