ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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