I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
