butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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