Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
