A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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