absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
