I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
