what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
