he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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