dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
