Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
