I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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