i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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