Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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