Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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