come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize