You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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