I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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