I am puke
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
