My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
