i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
