I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
