i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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