For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
