My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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