I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
