By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
