can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
