u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
