i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize