tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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