i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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