if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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