Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
