After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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