Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
