She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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