isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
there is puke in my bra ... again
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