I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
