Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
