I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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