I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
