i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
