Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think im going to throw up on grandma
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
