it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
