addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
