i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
