today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
