dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Verdict: uncircumcised.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
