I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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