I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
