8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
