I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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