Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
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