is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
