Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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