I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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