Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
A bitchslap is in order.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
