your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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