Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I showed him my bush... on skype.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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