i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
