You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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