Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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