My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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