Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
