We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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