I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
