to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
