quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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