I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
and you fell through a lawn chair
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
