It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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