Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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