i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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