Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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